PLEASE READ: BREAKING NEWS!!

For : Don and Giselle. Enjoy. :)
(Please take note that the following is untrue and is not a rouse to cause any harm, insult, injury or false pretense rumour to cause danger and havoc in the peaceful and wonderful world that we live in, called Mother Earth. This is simply a fun joke made to liven up spirits, get smiles, and if not, to make you laugh. Therefore, please acknowledge that this is a happy, fun, fuzzy-warm-feeling thing, and not a sad, unfun, spiky-cold-arse thing. Thank you for your time.)

     Kids around the world are now being told to be aware and conscious by country leaders in their respective countries.
     There is now a virus on the lose, or rather, a disease whose cause is not known yet. Scientists have not worked out if this new disease is spread by virus or bacteria.
     Professor H.K This-knee-lend, who works at NESA in the US, reported, "We do not know of the mainspring of this malady, but we have gathered its effects and harmfulness. We have yet to come with a scientific name of the disease as we do not know the virus or bacteria yet, but we have now labelled it Clothimuncjitis".
     From the observance of the 10 victims affected in countries Cambodia and and Laos, medical scientists in the National Observatory in Tokyo Japan say that Clothimuncjitis attacks the bodies of weaker people, as diseases usually do.
     Hairobi Takazakaniwahaji, a medical professor at the Observatory, said, "It is very unfortunate of the coming of this disease. It's almost like having SARS again...only that it does not kill. Clothimuncjitis (known as Hachinawakuska in Japan), attacks bodies of people who are affected by the problem we know as anorexia."
      Studies and research say that the disease is contractable from the air, but are only attracted to anorexic bodies. Like magnets, which attract at opposite poles, this disease, which molecules are said to be fat, are attracted to weak, skinny bodies.
     Dr. Ng, a General Practitioner in a Malaysian clinic in the streets of Kuala Lumpur, said, "What happens, is that this disease enters the body of the victim (this was followed by a "la"). Then (followed by an "ah"), this disease makes an exothermic reaction with haemoglobins, the catalysts. This creates an awkward result.
     It is said and has been publicly announced by African president, Alooba Mohai, that this disease is a real threat in his country because of poverty and starvation. The United States of America and European countries are collaborating with MTV and famous artists to conduct a few more concerts to raise some money to help. Bill Gates, American gazillionaire and entrepenuer, is donating half his fortune to help this cause.
      A psychologist and biological scientist from Kazakhstan, Borat Fleinszguard, had been kind enough to release information on the effects of Clothimuncjitis (known as Borat in Kazakhstan).
      Apparently, the victim of the disease cannot be "naked under their clothes". This, in a non-scientific term, means that victims of Clothimuncjitis have their privates constantly covered by clothes. No matter how many or how much clothes you take off your body, you will always have clothes underneath.
      This has caused many concerns among the public. Diego Bobinho, 37, from Sao Paolo, Brazil, said "Now, how am I going to take showers now, eh? I need to wash them bits so I can smell nice when I play with my football (known as soccer in America and Australia)".
     A man from Kazakhstan, Borat Aszgash said, "No more sex-time (pronounced saa-ksi-ty-m) for me...". He broke into tears.
     Kids around the world are being told to eat and even encouraged to go beyond obesity to avoid Clothimuncjitis, until a cure is found by scientists around the world, who are currently working together to find a remedy to this disastrous epidemic.
     Dr. Ng, the Malaysian GP, said, "Yes, this is a very bad epidermic". Our journalist reports that it is sad to know that Dr. Ng does not know the difference between "epidemic" and "epidermic", and that "epidermic", according to the Concise Oxford Electronic English Dictionary, means "the surface epithelium of the skin of an animal, overlying the dermis".

By: Justin Choong
extracted from: The National Times.